Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
