isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
