My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
