Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize