Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
a search helicopter?!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
