My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
