john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
