I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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