First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What drink are we having for lunch?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
