I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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