i permit you to call me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
