Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
