Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
