he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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