my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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