kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
