Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
