I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.