i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
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if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come