I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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