my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.