How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?