TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
