capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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