____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
