This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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