you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
