sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What drink are we having for lunch?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
