I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
