I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
