oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
