Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
