Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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