So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
