i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
