Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
