he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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