she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
