you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
