I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
