Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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