I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
