I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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