You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
