I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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