Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
