I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
