I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
