eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
