i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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