My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize