No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
