cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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