My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
