why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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