Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
