If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
