sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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