Swine flu is the new snow day.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
