she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
