kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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