i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
