this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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