its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
