The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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