i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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