is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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