whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
