This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
These tits shall not be calmed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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