She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
