Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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