He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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