I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
