I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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