I could make wine with my vomit
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
