I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
