I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
